four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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