he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
