my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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