I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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