They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
