did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
