I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
