Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You're like the curious george of whores
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
