all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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