I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
