Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
