I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
