I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
