My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
