Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
