so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
