Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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