literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
