DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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