I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
