she woke up with a sticky ear
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
