Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
