He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
