I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
