If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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