we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
