Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
