i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
