Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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