I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize