Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
