I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is wine microwaveable?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
