Yo dont text me then not text me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
