you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
