Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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