I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
