I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
