my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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