I feel like abortions should bother me more
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
