I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
