Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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