Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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