your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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