It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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