Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
