She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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