Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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