This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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