We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
