Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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