When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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