the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
