i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
