Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize