Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
