the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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