The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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