I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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