Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
