WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
