He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
