I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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