Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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