I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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