Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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