Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
