Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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