my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
