i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize