So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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