Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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