Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
