another moral hangover. fuck.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
