Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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