i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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