The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
