my mouth tastes like poor choices
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
