im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
