I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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