remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
