You don't have asthma, your pregnant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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