I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
