I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
